I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Shame - the story of my life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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