Moan for me like Helen Keller
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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