i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
