U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
