He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
