Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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