You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
