First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I did not marry a roomba.
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