Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like death gave me a hand job
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
