What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
