i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.