we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain