I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
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Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.