I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
