its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
