I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
