last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
