Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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