Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
