So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
