An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
