I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize