hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
