Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
