My room smells like vodka and shame
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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