I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
