Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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