Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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