I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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