I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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