Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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