i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
