before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
