A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
