I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
