Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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