apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
