That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
