just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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