wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
