he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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