Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
why is half of my head shaved?
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