in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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