i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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