Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
