I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All I want is dick and wine.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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