NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
