she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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