The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
