can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
