I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize