drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
