he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
