i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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