I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
