What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
