Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
