I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
