oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
