ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
