Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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