i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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