i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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