Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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